I wish you realized how much you put me through, because I feel like you don’t have any idea. You are acting like nothing happened. You are acting like I don’t have anything to be upset about.
I’m not sure if you are that oblivious or if you are being selfish. If you couldn’t care less about what I’m going through, because the only person who matters to you is yourself. Because, as long as you are okay, nothing else matters in your mind.
I wish you saw the tears streaming down my face in the middle of the night. I wish you saw the way I push other people away because of the baggage you’ve loaded onto my shoulders. I wish you saw how much you’ve hurt me, how much you’ve changed the way I think and move.
But the thing is, even if I sat you down and poured my heart out to you or sent you a lengthy text telling you everything that has been on my mind lately, you wouldn’t care. You wouldn’t take responsibility for what you’ve done. You would act like none of it is your fault. You would place the blame on someone else. You would dodge the questions I have for you, leaving them unanswered.
I wish I could get closure so that I can move on from what happened between us. If you were a different person, then a single conversation might be able to solve our problems. But you aren’t going to want to hear what I have to say. You aren’t going to listen. You aren’t going to care.
You don’t realize how badly you have hurt me, because you don’t want to see it. You don’t want to think of yourself as a toxic person. You don’t want to confront your issues. You don’t want anyone to tell you the truth because it contradicts the way you view yourself.
You create your own version of events. In your mind, I’m probably the bad guy. I probably did something unforgivable and you were the innocent bystander. You ignore reality and live in a dreamworld where you haven’t done anything wrong. Where you can do as you please without any consequences.
Lately, I have been struggling to deal with all of the pain you have caused me — but it would be a little easier to handle if you gave me a genuine apology. If you acknowledged you were wrong and showed guilt over it. If you made a point to clear things up between us.
But that is never going to happen. You are never going to understand the weight of your actions.
It’s so much harder to forgive you, accept what happened, and move on when you don’t even care about how horribly you hurt me. When I know I’m the only one suffering because you’re doing just fine.
I wish you cared about what you’ve done to me, but you don’t even seem to notice. It doesn’t seem to matter to you at all.