The biggest frustrations and disappointments in life come from expecting too little of yourself and too much of others. Expectations impact the realm of all of your relationships. To feel happy and satisfied do your best to live up to your own expectations so you have less of a dependency on others to make you feel valuable and fulfilled. Learning to count on yourself greatly reduces frustration and suffering in your life while also granting yourself and others personal freedom.
1. Self-Approval: Needing agreement and constant approval stifles your personal development, and this need also greatly compromises those you depend on to make you feel good. Commit to taking responsibility for owning your thoughts, feelings and ideas without a dependence upon someone else’s approval to feel good about them, or not.
You are not here to be on a constant “audition” in the meeting of the expectations of others and nor should you create a dynamic where everyone has to prove something to you or make things up to you if they don’t live up to your expectations.
The more you approve of yourself and your decisions, the less approval and agreement you need from others. Dare to be yourself, dare to follow your own aims and to not compare yourself to others. Do not view someone else’s success as your lack of progress.
True success comes in living life happily, in your own unique way.
2. Self-Respect: Truly powerful people do not explain why they want respect, they simply do not engage with those who do not give it to them. People will only respect you to the level you respect yourself. Embrace that sometimes the best thing you can do in life is say “no.” Act on the internal signals which cue you to know when you have reached your capacity in a situation and immediately set the boundaries necessary to keep you in a place of self-respect.
If you expect that others will or should respect you no matter what, you will suffer. Have faith in who you are and a willingness to act upon it. Never ask anyone to do for you what you can do for yourself. When you practice self-respect you give yourself the opportunity to have mutually beneficial relationships and interactions.
When you are happy your life improves all around.
3. Self-Worth: When you get caught up in trying to be the versions of yourself you believe others need and want you to be, you go in direct opposition of who you are. You may not feel worthy or wanted by one person, but never take for granted you are a treasure to another. Show your sense of worth by keeping company with those who love and appreciate you, rather than staying stuck on those who reject you.
Remember, no matter how great you are, there is going to be a certain percentage people you meet who are not going to like you no matter what you do, how nice you are, or how much you give. When you truly understand your worth you will never vie for a position in another person’s life. When it comes to matters of the heart you will not negotiate. You have a take it or leave it attitude.
4. Self-Acceptance: When you have self-acceptance you accept yourself and your life in spite deficiencies. You are human. When you have self-acceptance you become aware others are also human stopping you from expecting them to fit into your vision of who you think they should be, no longer getting angry when they fall short.
To accept yourself focus on personal development and find ways to make your life rich, exciting and happy regardless of the holes in your swiss cheese. When you live this way you reduce the need to control others or find fulfillment through them. You become a healthier person to be in a relationship with, when you are self-accepting, because as you stop excepting too much from others you begin to appreciate them.
5. Self-Aware: Self-awareness is your ability to correctly perceive your emotions the moment they are occurring and you have a keen understanding of your emotional tendencies across situations. You know which situations trigger certain emotions and are able to predict this with a reasonable amount of accuracy. When you are not self-aware you tend to expect others to walk on eggshells, to read your mind, predict your feelings and to not step on any of your triggers.
Bottom line, people cannot read your mind or take care of your emotions. They will not know how you feel unless you speak up. Be aware, however, that emotions are weapons and if used incorrectly will destroy your sense of self and the sense of self of other people. For this reason you must communicate with others regularly and effectively. You have to tell people what you’re thinking and feeling to find your way to personal freedom and confidence.
6. Self-Competent: Learn to live your life from your own sense of accomplishment, duty and responsibility. Do not hope for others to change and refrain from spending your time trying to control or direct others. Focus on the changes in you which need to be made in order for you to feel fulfilled, confident and self-sufficient.
Waiting for someone to change takes you out of the driver’s seat of your own life and it keeps you waiting on someone else to make you feel happier or more fulfilled. That is a miserable prison to put yourself in. Be self-competent. Stay aware of your emotions, your neediness and your unrealistic expectations. The more competent you are in life, they less you need and expect from others, the easier you are to love and interact with.
7. Self-Love: Life is challenging because anything and everything outside of you is temporary. Do not need life to always be ok. Embrace your good qualities and be aware of and in progress with your more challenging traits. There is always personal growth to be done. It is your dualities and complexities which make you interesting and lovable to others.
Being pleasing is not self-loving, it is self-diminishing.
In life you are measured by your ability to overcome adversities and insecurities, not avoid them. When you love yourself you accept all parts of yourself and view yourself as a work in progress. As you love yourself your sense of confidence exponentially increases. Loving yourself isn’t about being Ok and all put together. You often have to love yourself the most when you feel most broken.
The reason all these essentials begin with the world Self is because you are the only person who can get these for yourself. Other people are rarely going to be exactly who you want them to be. Learn to hope for the best and then let go of an attachment to perfection. In doing this the magnitude of your happiness and satisfaction function under a system where there is a one-to-one relationship between your thoughts about yourself and others and what you manifest to yourself in the form of relationships. If you love and respect yourself you will attract relationships where you will be loved and respected because you will not accept anything less.