How many times have people told you this? So many times but you never listened. You always pushed it out of your head because you wanted a different answer, you knew better.
It sounds familiar.
I know, I was stubborn too. I was stubborn, I was flawed in my inflated ego. I wanted love in that moment. I wanted head over heels, blood pulsing through my veins, suffocating, needy love. I wanted that because I needed to fill whatever empty feelings that were there, in my heart, consuming my being. It could have been from years of being told I wasn’t good enough, causing an anxious attachment to anybody and everybody. That anxiety forced me to hold onto whatever person was giving me the slightest bit of attention. Holding on to the notion that if they wanted me forever and never let me go, that was love. I held on for so long, in so many relationships. Clinging for dear life, please don’t let me go, if you let me go I’m not worthy. A never-ending cycle.
Truth is, I did have to heal myself first and so should you. I did have to hit rock bottom (but I hope you don’t). I had to seek the light and then claw my way out. I’m nowhere near the top, but I’m climbing. I’m getting there by putting one foot in front of the other. I’m getting there by believing that I’m right where I need to be and tomorrow I can trust I’m right where I’ll want to be.
This journey isn’t about knowing what will happen, but knowing if I keep working, it will happen. So trust in the words, heal yourself first, I promise the rest will come later. Speak your truth. Time is up.